full moon rising
it turns out that when a full moon is arriving in your twelfth house while you’re undergoing a 12th house profection year, a lot of illumination arrives with it.
I worked in the food industry for fifteen years, starting when I was seventeen years old, and for that length of time it became a sport, a game to see how far I could push my body. this is where I recognize my stereotypical Capricorn qualities as a Cap rising with Venus in my first ruling a 10th house south node: school was hard, friendship was harder, but showing up to work was something I could excel in. my undetected ADHD thrived in the fast-paced environment and it was easy to be polite to people in small, detached bursts. I quickly became the Dependable one on the job - I would open the shop and someone would call out and I would stay to close. someone would quit and I would work 14 days in a row. as a manager, I worked my first double while enduring food poisoning. I received so much praise for my commitment, and my bosses’ faith in me, and my faith in their visions, was fuel for my empty sacral center. and because I was always pushing myself to my limit, I felt justified in compensating just as hard, logging long nights at the local bar after my shift and impulse shopping in exhausted stupor. “pleasure” then was one-dimensional and sloppy, a state of being I didn’t connect with and instead pursued through commercially-vetted consumerist practices. STUFF that didn’t fill any void, THINGS that gave temporary joy.
deprogramming from the work hard / play hard lifestyle has involved re-centering into my body. I had a lot of pain and neglect to answer for. in those years, I created chronic conditions that I’m still gently learning about through time and patience. I exacerbated symptoms that I sometimes just need to give space and stillness to. beyond the physical, there has been an overhaul of values and expectations, years of constant movement and productivity that I had to unlearn. I’ve realized how much I was suppressing within me over those years, burying trauma and harmful patterns under a drive to hustle. creating the space to learn about myself allowed for deep release of the need to show up in a way that was creating harm for myself. learning about my specific needs has given me so much guidance toward living in more wellness.
stepping away from PRESSURE allowed me to begin to navigate PLEASURE.
Mars in Taurus rules my north node in Aries, and after years of overthinking it, I’ve come to realize that I am here for experience (Aries) through the lens of embodiment (Taurus). Mars in particular in Taurus is at its slowest, its most rooted, and it asks to take things one step at a time. it asks to stop and smell the roses to remember the sweetness that drives them toward steady progress. it asks for patience in its process. it is through these energies that I will attain the newness that Aries craves. essentially, giving myself grace to steady myself prepares me for exploration.
this is pretty much the opposite of how I had been living.
pleasure nourishes us. pleasure reminds us that our senses are important. pleasure is needed to thrive.
and pleasure looks like so many things. here in this image, it is Friday morning, Venus day in Taurus, and I am allowing myself to ease into the day. I have plenty to do - so, so much to do - yet I am trusting that, if I move in steady time, I will get it all done. pleasure is pacing myself and trusting myself to respond to my energy in each moment. pleasure, sometimes, is going slowly enough to actually enjoy what I’m doing in the moment because rushing won’t help anything happen more efficiently. and yes, for this Mars in Taurus it also looks like surrounding myself with beauty as much as I can to keep myself serene and motivated.
lessons hard learned, that’s for sure.
and it is this trusting myself to move slowly and steadily that allows me to move through 6th and 12th house themes with more ease. when my body flares up, I’m okay to slow down, because I know I’ve paced myself and I know that I’ll continue to make progress when I’m ready. when I don’t sleep well, I am able to still my anxious mind and still stick to my routines for the day, knowing that I’m moving in my own time and able to give myself what I need to move through the day. it’s slow work, but it’s beautiful, human work, and it supports my fourth house north node journey of establishing my own sense of self.
where are your nodes and what lessons have you been learning about them? how does pleasure tie into your soul’s journey in this life?
